Krispy Kreme rots your brain

Today is a Krispy Kreme day...and why, do you ask, is it such? Let me tell you: the whole day has felt like a doomed conversation I had with the girl behind the counter at the Krispy Kreme donut shop one day...

*shimmer to flashback*

I am standing at the counter at a KK (Krispy Kreme) waiting to order a few dozen donuts to take to work (a couple years ago).  As the man in front of me orders, I notice the donuts on the conveyer belt going under the fountain of glaze, then being picked to get put into the box. But, 'lo!', there are donuts that are not picked and continue along the conveyer belt and through a hole in the wall. I wonder about this (because I wonder about stupid shit like that when I'm bored...I need to learn not to do this). Finally, it's my turn.  The woman/girl behind the counter turns to me:

KK girl: "Yeah?"

me: Wow. Enthusiasm...not. "I'd like 2 dozen glazed, please" (See? I'm polite and stuff.)

The KK girl punches this into the register. This moment gives me the opportunity to hang myself.

me: "What do you all do with the rejects on the belt?"

KK girl: Blinks "What?"

me: Pointing at belt. "The donuts that are rejected.  The ones you don't pick. Where do they go?" (You see...I'm thinking "free donuts", right?)

KK girl: Turns to look at belt. Looks back to me, puzzled. "We put the donuts in the boxes."

me: Getting a bad feeling about this. Eyeing my donut boxes now on the table behind KK girl, but possibility of free donuts still a siren call. "No, not the ones you put in the boxes. Those other ones that keep going. The reject donuts that don't get picked. Where do they go? Do you throw them away?" 


This was a good explanation, I think. Lots of details...'compare and contrast' and crap...with directionality and follow-up questions.

KK girl: Again turns to look at belt. Turns back to me and looks irritated. "Those aren't garbage cans, those are boxes. We're putting the donuts in the boxes. They all go in the boxes."

me: I should probably flee. But she has my donuts, and the mom/teacher in me insists on giving this now obviously smaller brained individual a fighting chance. I am a fool. "I see them putting the donuts in the boxes right there. But they don't put every donut in the box." Small steps...now, take her further, Kel. "Some of the donuts are left on the belt and they're going over and through that hole in the wall." Wait for her  to look at hole...good. "I want to know where the donuts go after they go through the hole in the wall. Do they get thrown away?"


I'm now thinking this effort may save a 3rd world country or something.  Maybe no one has ever noticed these rogue donuts in their crafty escape???

KK girl: Looks more irritated as she stares at the hole in the wall. "Those aren't the donuts we put in the boxes."

me: My cerebellum just peed itself in frustration as I stare at KK girl. I need a different planet. Now I just want my donuts. "That's right...those aren't the donuts you put in the boxes. Those are the reject donuts. Can you tell me what happens to them after they go through the hole?" 


I have probably taken on the tone of speaking to toddler...deep breaths...why am I still pursuing this? Oh yeah, my donuts.  At least we're speaking about same donuts now, right? I lay my money on the table in hopes to end this soon.

KK girl: Looks at my money...back at the conveyer belt...back at me. She does not present me with my donuts. "Your donuts didn't come out of that hole. They got put in the box."

me: Holymothersweetjesus! She's holding my donuts hostage! I don't give a #%& about the rejects anymore...free donuts won't fix this! "That's okay, don't worry about it." (I'm gritting my teeth as I wave the money at her.)

KK girl: Turns around again and now yells into the back. "Hey, Jack! This lady thinks we got her donuts from the garbage. Can you come here?"

me: WHAT??? What just happened?? I don't know who Jack is, but I envision broken arms...mine. Just give me my freaking donuts, lady! "No, no, I think the donuts are fine. Really. Here, keep the change...I'm running late anyways."


I'm sure that I can lunge over the counter and grab my boxes and still make it to the parking lot before Jack appears at this point.

KK girl: Stares at me and my money again. Takes my money and hands me the boxes. "Have a nice day."

me: How the $%& am I going to have a nice day when my blood pressure is now 200/110, I'm worried about a psychotic donut hit man, and I *still* don't know where the freaking reject donuts go! Must. Not. Kill. Donut girl.


I flee in self preservation as I hear a commotion in the back. Shit! Jack is coming.

And that, dear friends, has been my day. Enjoy!!